Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain!

Further proof that legislators and others live in the land of Oz...

GAO Official: No Crisis in Social Security

All shall love me and despair...

Ann Coulter, Howard Dean and Al Sharpton will be on campus next week giving different lectures as a part of the Impact Series.

Ahh... one bonus of being an employee... free tickets.

Spiritual Movement

Part of this was written on 3/6/2005

This post is a bit more personal and not quite as humorous but it is something I have to share.

I re-dedicated my life to Christ about a year before my mom passed away in 2000. I would not have survived without the daily prayer, Bible study, and support of my church family. While I seriously doubt I would have killed myself, I would definately be emotionally dead and you would probably not be reading such masterpieces as the Oscar Edition caption contest summary or Leftist Fashion Advice (a personal favorite).

After that, as Elena could attest to, my relationship with God has been extremely spotty. There would be intense periods of prayer and growth followed by extreme patterns of rebellion covered with a spiritual veneer to hide the pain I am not willing to share with anyone.

For the past 5 years, I've struggled to talk to God. I talk to my cat more than I talk to Him. It isn't anger or resentment. I know my mom is in Heaven. I know she no longer suffers. I have truly been blessed by what has happened in my life. I am very grateful and thankful.

It was that I could no longer hear Him - even if He was speaking clearly, I refused to listen.

The past couple of weeks have been intense for me personally. Not all of it blogworthy. One morning late last week, it was cold and rainy. I was tired and not thrilled about dragging myself into work to be fussed at for nothing. In the middle of the lawn near my building, there was a pair of crows splashing around in a puddle and cawwing up a storm. They were hopping around and poking their beaks into the ground. I guess they found a stash of bugs like Fort Knox and were warning all of their crow buddies to stay away. I stopped and watched for a moment and thought "You take care of the sparrows and the lillies of the field. They want for nothing. How much more value do I have to you than these crows? How is it that I... I who have sooo much.. can't find joy on a daily basis? Why do I deny myself joy? Here are two crows.. ugly nasty crows rejoicing on such a miserable day. Why can't I rejoice?"

That prayer was followed with others wondering about where God was.. more appropriately, where I am in relation to Him. He doesn't move - I wander all over the place.

Fast forward to Friday night. Elena and I went to dinner. You've read some of her accounts of her slow reconcilliation with her father. That night she told me about how her parents were rebuilding their relationships with each other and Elena and her sister. I told her how I truly feel at peace about the political situation at work. I outlined how I was finally getting help to finish the estates and that they were almost finished. This week, I started a new relationship with my aunt and uncle (my mom's brother). We have never been close but they kept reaching out to me and finally.. I accepted. Much to my delight. They are good people with an equally warped sense of humor. It felt so good. And we both acknowledged that all of this - it was God. It was certainly nothing of our own creation. We may have taken steps to follow up but God is at the center of it.

"It's like.. I walked through this desert. For years, it seemed as though God was not here. He was so quiet. And now.. *boom* He says "Here I am! Now do you see me? I've been here all along." Doing things only He can do.. reaching us in unexpected ways.. and helping us to reach out to others."

Then I read DC's post about praying over his girls. And for the first time in a long time, I can feel the hard shell around my heart crack... just a little and the emotions come out. Good and bad; anger and thankfulness; love and jealousy.. all emotion and states of mind that I can lay at His feet.

It hurts.. but it is so good.

added 3/13/2005

Today, I was chatting with my pastor about the events of the week. He told me to stop praying for crazy stuff in his life.. that it had just been a roller coaster for the last two weeks and that he wanted the sedate, calm Tom back. I said "Now you know.. sometimes we have to step out of our comfort zones..."

"Oh hush up."

He and I talked about the roller coasters we have been on over the last year. Loss of loved ones, illness, job stress and how it was terrible loads to bear.. and that there were times when it seemed that God was distant. Where we were angry that we couldn't see or hear Him or why was all this crap happening to us.

Tom said "Pastor Pete said it best.. if there was every anything to take away from a service.. "God can handle your anger. You can't." "

Isn't that the truth? We try to bottle up our hurt, anger, resentment.. cover it up with pride. The longer we hide behind such facades, the more damage we do. I know I can't handle my anger which is usually tied to some hurt. I have to let it out - in constructive ways. Angry prayers, crying until I'm exhausted, pushing myself hard at the gym, sharing the situation with Elena or Duke Diva (who God has truly blessed me with!) and finding real ways to take action.

For the first time in 5 years, I know joy... I have never been more at peace.. more content with what was going on in my life. I don't mean that I'm going to sit here like a bump on a log.. I've got things to do. Content doesn't mean complacent or lazy. :) It also doesn't mean that I am overly thrilled with everything either or that I will be one of those shiny happy Christians who never shows any emotion at all.

I have a new connection with God.. more mature, more reverental.. more respect and humility.. more love than ever.

What a place to be in.

Nasty dirty tricksy hobbites!

Hobbit picture 'four years away'

Freakin' sweet. I loved The Hobbit and when I re-read it last year, I could see it as a movie. Just so long as I don't have to hear Legolas or some other elf go on about Middle Earth while doing a Yoda impression, I'm good.

"A red sun rises.. yes... blood spilt this night has been." That was just stupid.

Friday Cat Blogging

I think I may have posted this before but she is just so darn cute! And the 9 Chickweed Lane cartoon fits her perfectly. Click the picture to enlarge.



Have a great weekend y'all!

Real Charity

Businessman Offers $1 Million to Keep Terri Schiavo Alive

Because we know (or at least suspect) that Michael Schiavo has been waging this battle to starve his wife to death so that he can get the settlement money free and clear. Because right now all it can be used for is her care which has probably been minimum at best.

Even though her parents have said for years they would take custody of her and use the money for her care and therapy. He hasn't given it up because I think he wants that money.

And if he doesn't accept, I think it shows that he really is only out to kill his wife and get her money.

I don't know if this offer is real or not but... Gloria Allred is involved. She's a bit on the wacked out side (she represented Amber Frey of the what was that guy's name.. Peterson's mistress) so why would anyone use her name for a hoax.

Madness.

Now it's time for...

Elena's Poetry Corner.

She's updated this site with some new poetry. Go and see the girl who is way more artistic than me. Wow. Good stuff chick.

A possible conversation between Michael Schiavo and Jodi The Fiance'

Jodi: I've waited for 10 years. How much longer will this go on, Michael?

Michael: Honey, it will be over soon. It will behind us and we can get married and have a new life together without the press and courts...

Jodi: I'm looking forward to that day. The kids will be glad to be rid of all of this stress. I do have a question for you, though.

Michael: Yes, what is it?

Jodi: If.. if I were injured in a car accident or something and I were disabled, what would you do?

Michael: [uncomfortable silence]

Jodi: Michael?

Something else to tick Nate off...

... because I live to see him all riled up.

Communists For TennCare

via: Bill Hobbs

Ohhhh...

So now, the Senate has decide it wants a 'straight answer' on TennCare. And they want it out in the open... as opposed to all the behind the door meetings and decision making so that bills are just barely glanced at on their way through committee to the floor. Do us all a favor.. get rid of it. It's a major drain on resources. And the same people who want more money for education likely want more money for TennCare... and to fund it they want an income tax.

"Yep.. I'm sure of it darlin'... I hate 'em." And they don't remind me of me.

And Jack Bonnyman may not be the villain of TennCare but he is certainly in need of a stylist. Those glasses are hideous.

Kitties with guns...

shoot people.

Let that be a lesson to you... don't tick off your kitties.

There's a party going on around here...

Nashville people, get yourself down to Jackson's on the 23rd. Meet the likes of.. me and Blake.. something about his birthday coming up... and Mr. Roboto who is organizing this shindig.

Needless to say, I will likely be going by my real name since "Empress" and "Pink Kitty" do not go over well in real life.

Pots and Kettles; Ribbons and Bows

Headline from WorldNetDaily:

Cronkite: Rather stayed years too long
Says Schieffer 'would have given the others a real run for their money'

Hmm... one old fart dissing another old fart yet giving props to another old fart... and all from the same MSM tradition. If they want to give people a run for their money, let Scrappleface give us the news.

Encounters with the neighbors

Or Episodes in Mistaken Sexuality

I like my neighbors. They have been really good to us (my brother and I). They are very friendly.. they are good people but.. Saturday.. well.. the story...

Elena and I went to the Rep to see "Noises Off" and to dinner and we came back to my house to sit and chat and watch back episodes of Project Runway. In the morning, after I met with the guy who bought my dad's store to go over what pieces I needed to move to my house, we went to breakfast.

When I got back, the neighbor asked "When did you get a roommate?"

"She's not a roommate. That's my best friend, Elena. You met her at my brother's going away party last year. We went to the Rep last night and when we got back, it was late so she stayed the night in my brother's room."

There was this... look... on her face. I can't describe it. And we talked about my brother and the Rep's productions and went our separate ways. I got in the house and thought "Blankity-blank. She thinks I'm a lesbian! Now I'm going to have to get some guy to come over here and defend my heterosexuality."

Yeesh. Don't I have enough to do than worry about the neighbors? Truthfully, yes but blankity-blank - I'm not gay!

Caption Contest - Oscar Edition - The Winner

*A large auditorium of people who could otherwise afford them sit in donated gowns and tuxes looking semi-fabulous. The orchestra is playing the theme from Terminator - the third time tonight, actually.

The host, not Chris Rock because the next presenter would not be caught dead at an event hosted or even attended by Chris Rock, says "Now let me bring up a young woman who has purred more than she has scratched... Empress Pink Kitty!"

Her Highness makes a grand entrance onto the stage; the envelope from PriceWaterhouseCooper Tires in her left hand, rings from Harry Winston-Salem on her right. And rightfully so. She never fails to make an entrance.

"Throughout the year, caption contests capture our imagination by forcing us to look at common pictures in an unusual way. It takes creative, talented and funny individuals to find the humor in these images. It is this group that we honor tonight and thank them for their dedicated service. The nominees are...

LF for "Hey Hilary, this isn't an Oscar in my pants . . ."

Red for "Clint, make my day. Get a breath mint!"

Nate for "Jeez Clint, it's the frickin' Oscars... couldn't you floss?"

and

Res Ispa for "Clint, You're old enough to be my great grandfather, are those your real teath?"

And the Oscar-Meyer goes to............

Ladies and gentlemen.. I don't quite believe it. It's a tie. Did the accountants get this right? Did they tally all the ballots, hanging chads, dimpled chads and Chad Lowe included?

The winners are LF and Nate!

*the Orchestra plays while Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie, who are still working their way through as interns on The Simple Live 972, stand there holding a pair of bronzed Bill Clinton bobbleheads.*

I'm sorry about the statues, guys. It was kind of short notice and we used what we had on hand. He couldn't give them all away in his tsunami devistation and world book tour. You have 45 seconds for your acceptance speech and the other nominees have 20 seconds to gripe about it on the red carpet to E! on their way to the after-party.

Another Edict from the Ministry of the Obvious

Recent headline from Foxnews.com:

Redistricting Battle in Georgia
Now that GOP is in control, Dems fear new boundaries could skew elections

But the GOP was supposed to be OK with it when Dems gerrymandered all over the place to carve up solid Dem districts. Seriously... who writes these headlines? Christine from Phantom of the Opera?

Fashion Advice for the Leftist Set

1. Smug looks and vacant stares are for the runway. If your picture is being taken by the press, you should do that head tilt thing like Paris Hilton.
2. Ginny, honey... wide horizontal stripes work on NO one. Well.. unless you are trying to mark a parking lot, never use horizontal stripes.
3. Ginny, dear... please see someone about your eyebrows. You could be hiding a terrorist in them.
4. Proper support of "the girls" with good undergarments is always in style. Bra Burning is very 1960-something. But, I guess your politcs and personal style is probably still stuck in those "radical days." Your location, Berkeley, CA, seems to be suck in the 1960's.

I realize that this advice will likely fall on deaf ears as you both are likely to say "I want to be considered for my mind and not what I look like!" Well, I see what is coming out of your mind and it isn't very attractive either.

A purr to Six Meat Buffet and Digger for this lovely picture.

Naughty Naughty!

SugarLand - Baby Girl Lyrics

"They'll promise fancy cars an' diamond rings, an' all sorts of shiny things, But, girl, you'll remember what your knees are for."

OK... I'm sure they intended it to be a lyric about reminding the person in the song to pray, be humble and all that stuff... but... you know... uh... this is Nashville. I'm sure more than one contract was gotten via a different talent - not vocal talent but an oral talent none the less.

Candy choices

When I was at Target picking up supplies for the last minute Oscar party at my house, I noticed Hershey's had a new bag of candy out for nut lovers that had 4 different kinds of mini chocolate bars with nuts:
dark chocolate with almonds
white chocolate with peanuts
milk chocolate with cashews
milk chocolate with peanuts

So... the last one.. milk chocolate with peanuts... isn't that Mr. Goodbar? Marketing people....

Duh.... uh der...

To retired Admiral Hutson, the lesson is that the U.S. military needs a midcourse correction. "If I thought that letting (open) gays in the military now would degrade the mission," he says, "I wouldn't be for it. The military mission is unique enough that it shouldn't be a social laboratory. But we are at a point now where we can do it. And once you can do it, that creates a moral imperative that means you must do it."

The military as a social laboratory? Nooooooooooooo....

I seem to recall that about the same time as the whole gay in the military thing started gaining momentum, there was a heck of a lot of flap about women in combat roles. They are good enough, smart enough, and dog gone it.. somebody likes them! We can watch Demi Moore make it through SEAL training in "GI Jane." (cough cough cough.. excuse me. I think I choaked on some feminist dogma.)

This attempt get the military to be more deconstructed brought to you by liberals everywhere and United Colors of Benetton.

Source for quote: Admiral steers support for gays in military - 02/28/05