Poking the Dog

It's a phrase we use around work to let someone know to let something or someone alone. "Don't poke the dog...."

Well, I think I'm going to poke it just a little... see what kind of reaction/advice I can get... because many of y'all are definately smarter than I am.

Preface

I don't necessarily hold the point of view the question is asked. It came up in a coversation I had a long time ago and had it sitting in the draft folder for weeks.

Question

What does the Bible really have to say about sex? We know there is a wholesale endorsement of it via the Song of Solomon. Is it supposed to be within marriage only or do long-term committed relationships qualify? Marriage was a religious institution long before the state decided to make it a contractual agreement between parties. Marriage also occured at much younger ages than it typically does now. What does one do as they get older (when the message of True Love Waits starts to sound a little old and hollow)?

How much of our contemporary Christian views of sex are really found in the Bible? Is it possible to be sexually liberated and a Christian? By sexually liberated I mean to be aware of and comfortable with one's sexuality - I don't mean just wandering around and sleeping with who ever says 'yes.'

In her book Real Sex, Laura F. Winner puts forth the idea of chastity as a spiritual discipline and hints that discipline in general is missing from the modern church (not explored further in the book but my guess is that it makes fodder for a future volumn). She became a Christian yet did not stop having sexual relationships with her significant others. She wasn't willy nilly screwing guys from bars a la the Sex and the City girls but it was in a relationship she was committed to.

I found her book to be more helpful than most. I have often expressed great frustration of the Christian response to just about any question "Well, you just need to pray more."

Ok.... sure. And why don't I poke my eyes out with a stick while I'm at it. But let me beat you with it first because that sounds so HOLLOW! Just a pat answer that someone gives when they don't know what to say. Like at a funeral when someone says "they look peaceful" or "don't they look good?" No. They don't. They look dead and now move along. Move along.

That is if they don't turn beet red and run away for the fact that you dared to mention sex at all. That you might want it/need it/miss it. After all, good Christians don't talk about such things... pfft.

It helped me to see that it was WHAT I was praying about that needed to change. Instead of focusing on the desire - whatever it may be: anger, lust, greed, etc... - as well as what I think may be lacking from my life, I shifted to praying and giving thanks to God for His grace and the gifts He has given me. It made a tremondous difference in how I responded to temptation.

However, as a healthy young woman, the need does present itself more forcefully on occasion. What boundries should one place on a relationship with a significant other? What is the context of sex? Where do masturbation and fantasies fit into this when one isn't involved in a relationship? Why is it that people (particularly Christians) think that your sexuality switch is going to magically flip on when you get married? That you will just automatically be comfortable being naked around your spouse?

This is a heck of alot of questions for which I have few good answers. Lets here what y'all have to say.

Revenge of the Torch Singer

Tonight, I went back to TPAC. Some of you might remember the last experience I had there... if not, here's the post to refresh your memory.

It was much much much more pleasant tonight. I had a fantabulous time. Michael Buble is great. Not my favorite of the revenge of the jazz/torch/lounge singers but still... it was like being sucked back into a 1960's Las Vegas lounge for a little while.

I loved every minute of it! His voice is outstanding... even the attempt to kick Josh Groban's you-know-whats-its by singing opera. And Maroon 5. And Michael Jackson. The highlight of the show had to be at the very end when he put the mic away and sang acappella in Jackson Hall. Just his voice filling the hall... *sighs and smiles*

Very happy birthday to me!

Aside: of my three favorites, two are Canadian. Seems that Canada is doing something to produce awesome jazz singers, eh?

Also, thank you everyone for the well-wishes! I very much appreciate them!

Today is the day...

It is officially my birthday!

Yippee.

When it's ok to yell at the movies

When you are the only one in the theater enjoying a final-week run of Star Wars: Revenge of the Sith... probably the last time you will ever see a Star Wars movie on a big screen.

And I mean the only one. Just me.

Questioning Padme's intelligence (OH COME ON! Who says that crap?!), Obi-Wan's reasoning capabilities (Absolutes? Didn't Palpatine say earlier that good and evil were points of view... so the Sith aren't dealing in absolutes...), swooning over Anakin shirtless.. and pretty must whenever Obi-Wan was on the screen. The man is hot.

Happy Birthday to me!

Deb: "What are you drawing?"

Napoleon: "It's a liger."
Deb: "What's a liger?"
Napoleon: "It's pretty much my favorite animal. It's like a lion and a tiger mixed... bred for its skills in magic."

Except that in this story, liger is apparently a trademarked word or something.

Caption Contest Winner

In the non-Monty Python category: it's Elena with Bush: Wow! Diet Dr. Pepper REALLY DOES taste like regular Dr. Pepper!

In the Monty Python inspired category, it's: Digital Cowboy with
Chirac: "None shall pass."
Bush: "I must enforce this UN Resolution."
Chirac: "Then.. you shall... die!"
(skip down)
Chirac: "The French Knight always triumphs!"
Bush: "You're a looney."
Chirac: "You yellow bastard! Come back here! I'll bite your knees off!"

Though Sharon Cobb's Bush: Wow. I thought the G8 Summit was about the velocity of the African swallow, not about African debt relief. So, can anyone tell me the veolcity of the African swallow? was very very close.

Hahahahaha! Congrats!

Notice the Resemblence?

That's SCOTUS nominee John Roberts on the left...

Larry Linville as Maj. Frank Burns from M.A.S.H. on the right.

Freaky.

Caption Contest - World Leaders Edition

I found a pair of pics that I think are good fodder for your creativity. Pick one. Use both. Just.. please.. safe for work entries! Much obliged! Entries due the morning of Tues July 26th.

But.. you would think the French wouldn't commit such an obvious fashion faux pas - Chirac's pants are about up to his waist. That's just awful.

Update: Challenge - how many Monty Python themed entries can we get?

The only good thing about the state...

Since I don't want to go to jail, etc... I have to have a driver's license. The least the state could do is make it easy for me to renew it....

Tennessee Department of Safety - Renew License Online

5 minutes and I renewed my license online. THAT totally made my day. I know. It is completely against my libertarian principles but I didn't have to go stand for hours at the Dept. of Motor Vehicles. Freakin' sweet!

Smurf-tastic!

A CGI Smurfs movie will be out next year.

I, for one, will pass. I hate the Smurfs. Annoying, preachy, self-righteous, European trolls. Some little blue thing came to him in a drug induced haze and said "Dude... it's all about the Smurf" and a show was born.

GI Joe.. that was a cartoon I could get into. Besides, could one play "smurfs" outside? GI Joe, you could take outside. Yay... I'll be Baker Smurf! That's like saying I'll be Swedish Chef from the Muppets... Salad a la boom-boom and BorkBorkBork!

Rollin' Rollin' Rollin'

or "Observations on Turning 30"

With my birthday - one of those milestone birthdays - now 7 days away, I've spent a little bit of time thinking about where I've been, where I thought I would have been, and where I am going.

Today, we will start with where I thought I would be when I turned 30.

At 15, I thought I would be old and life would be over at 30. I also thought that I would be the world's greatest singer and/or music promoter. I would be married out of college.

At 17, when I was an intensely liberal angry person (not they always go together), I thought I would be in the state House or Senate on my way to being the first female President. Or I thought I would be in the US Foreign Service department, working in a consulate overseas on my way to being Secretary of State.

At 20, I went into denial and annouced that I wouldn't deal with anything at the present time. "I will deal with that in therapy when I'm 30." Still wanted to work for the US State Department. Comfortable with the idea of not being married but instead living together with boyfriend... not having one at the time didn't stop me from adding that to my plan.

At 22, I thought I would be well on my way in an academic career. I should be finished with graduate school by the time I'm 30.. have an assistant teaching position and on my way to tenure.

After the age of 25, I kind of stopped thinking about where I would be at 30. Of those goals that I set at various ages, I have achieved none of them. Life kind of works like that. Is it that depressing? Not really and I will talk about that in other entries.

Today's Useless Study

Men with more money have more sex

The findings, from an online survey conducted by the BBC, offer fresh evidence for the theory that women tend to be more attracted to men with money and resources, but that a woman’s wealth does not much affect her sex appeal to men. “Men accumulate resources, which they use to attract women,” John Manning, Professor of Psychology at the University of Central Lancashire, who analysed the results, said.

Because testosterone leads to a strong libido... and having more testosterone tends to make people more competitive (in many areas of their life). If they are more competitive, they are likely to be out there and looking for more opportunities to "score" - the deal, the hot chick.

And that competitive side is definately a more masculine trait. Generally, women are attracted to more masculine men. And the more masculine a woman is, the less likely she is to be attractive. I'm grateful that the BBC did this study so I could know what human nature has been doing for ages.

To the typical female mind: more resources=more security.

But having money doesn't work for the Czech lawyer who had over 5000 marriage proposals declined.

See also: CNN.com - Third of study results don't hold up

Thank you, researchers! It's almost as earth shattering as the realization in the final season of Sex and the City "Well, he's just not that into you."

Southern Exposure

I'm late in chatting about this particular topic. It hit Sharon Cobb's blog, Nashville is Talking and Pith in the Wind a few days ago, but I didn't see the video in question until yesterday.

I'm talking about Jessica Simpson's remake of "These Boots are Made for Walking." (See the video there). It will forever be linked in my mind with fem bots from Austin Powers. However, someone decided that it would be a great song for the new Dukes of Hazard movie.

First, I'm not going to comment about Ms. Simpson's clothing or lack there of other than to say: she has one great brazillian wax person. Wow. That is one freakishly small bikini.

Second: Her dancing has improved. Not great but much improved over previous attempts to dance in music videos. Not that many guys will be paying attention to her dancing.

Third and my real beef with the song: it isn't good. At all. It sounds like Jessica is having the Big O for 4 minutes. Heavy breathing and stunted words like she is having some sort of seizure. While subjecting myself to this unmitigated piece of crap, I asked "PK - why are you watching this? Turn the freakin' channel! Save yourself 3 minutes! PLEASEEEEEEEE!!!" But no....

Willie Nelson (who plays Uncle Jesse) is in the video and mumbles his one line and looks like he has other things to be doing rather than shooting the video.

Is it 4 minutes of my life that I will never get back? Yes but on the plus side, it did lead into blog fodder.

More pictures from Iraq

OIF 3 Pics 706
Originally uploaded by pink-kitty.

My brother must have had access to a computer recently. I received a CD-Rom with over 700 pictures on it - going back to last September.

This one is his favorite. The little girls blow kisses at every convoy that goes down the road. Click on the flick photstream and then look for "Operation Iraqi Freedom." All of the photos are there.

I take it back....

Dear Faith,

I said many horrible things about your love of all things fashionable and East and West coasty after Breathe took off like gang busters. You really hit the big time with that song. Country radio. Pop radio. VH1 and MTV played the video a million times.

Thing is - the rest of Nashville said horrible things too. You really lost your country cred. So much so, you had John Rich write you a song proving to us that you are still a country girl when Gretchen Wilson showed up all the pretty-pop-princess-but-stuck-in-country-music wannabes (I'm talking to you Shania!) by being her (packaged) Redneck self.

You did the movie - Pearl Harbor and then Stepford Wives. And some commercials. I forget what else. I pretty much quit paying attention after Breathe was played to death and then beaten like a dead horse. You know it made it when Cledus T Judd parodies it. And we will leave your metrosexual husband out of this discussion. The only man in country music that has more stylists than Tim McGraw is Keith Urban.. maybe Jeff Bates. But we can talk about that some other time.

Well, Faith. I take all the mean things I said about your over-stylized hair and couture clothing back.

Please... for the love of all things fashionable and within your purchasing power: take off the mumu and get back into Gucci (or other label of your choice).

With warmest regards,
Pink Kitty

P.S. Did anyone else notice that Nicole Kidman's last couple of movies have been remakes of TV shows or movies? Hollywood has truly run out of ideas.

Update: Seems as though people think I'm making this photo up. Here is the source. It is Faith Hill and I pulled it from Yahoo News Photos.

Quote of the Day

"There is so much cheese in that I have orange powder under my finger nails."
- Duke Diva

Lunch Time Conversations

What I overheard isn't particularly funny... it's particularly sad.

Woman #1: When I started dating him, he wasn't divorced yet. I still don't know if he's divorced.
Woman #2: Have you talked to him about it?
Woman #1: Yes. He got real quiet and wouldn't say anything for a long time. When he finally said something, he said he didn't want to talk about it anymore.

[later]

Woman #1: And then he (same married fellow) got mad because I had some (I am assuming dried) flowers in my living room that were given to me by [unidentified ex-beau]. He told me to take them out of the house.. that he didn't like them. I said that I liked them because they go with my color scheme not that they have any sentimental value.
Woman #2: What did you do?
Woman #1: I got rid of them. What else could I do?

---- PK's thoughts ----

Keep your flowers? Get some self-respect and tell him to go back to his wife?

A Nursery Rhyme

in the style of StrongBad

There was a little girl
Who had a little curl
Right in the middle
Of her forehead.

When she was good,
She was very very good.
When she was bad,
She was awesome.

* StrongBad email inspiration found via Elena *

Mis-diagonsed Eras

The seller described the above eBay item as "Vintage, Victorian, Elegant,1920's dress,Cocktail Dress"

How does PK describe it?

"Vintage New Jersey 1980's prom"

I was good....

I've known for a week and I didn't spoil Miss O'Hara's big news...

That she will no longer be Miss in a few months but a Mrs!!!!

And she called to tell me and she let me prattle on about house hunting and estates for a HOUR before telling me! Can you believe that? Well, regardless, blessings to the happy couple!

Just in case anyone else had big news, I've been asking people at the beginning of conversations "what's going on" like 3 times to be sure.

*sniffle* I'm so happy!

Shopping!

DISAPPEARING CIVIL LIBERTIES MUG from Uncommon Goods.

Seems to be appropriate after the last few weeks don't you think?

I ordered one.

Nate is right....

Man faints, dies after seeing epidural

I believe Nate says that the man's place during childbirth is out in the waiting room smoking... if this fella had listened to that, he would still be alive.

Thursday's Random Thought

Inspired by LILEKS (James) :: The Bleat

Thoughts on Padme's Pregnancy

Padme really wanted to be the first intergalactic warrior princes and make Xena quake in her boots... because Xena wasn't nursing twins at the time she was kicking ancient booty...

If Padme was decieving Anakin because she knew he was going bad then..

* Anakin's power to sense what others are thinking sucks.
* She was planning to leave or hide the babies after birth.
* She was really in love with Ewan McGr... I mean Obi Wan Kenobi. That's why Leia and Luke get to call him Ben in Episode IV. Because no one else calls him Ben.
* If she was leaving, she would be the poster child for single women/single mothers in the Rebellion.
* If she did become a single mom, Dr. Laur-wan Schles-adokala would have chastised her on behalf of The Empire for abandoning her husband even though he turned to the Dark Side of the Force. Because we know that the Empire is all about family values....

Passive-Aggressive Office Mates

In the office downstairs, a sign appeared on the window this morning asking people to not stand in front of the window and talk... because there are people working in there, you know.

Months ago, a sign appeared on the door asking people to not smoke in front of the same window. Just so happens there is a bench and the ashtray just outside this door - so talkers and smokers tend to congregate there on their breaks.

So far today, everyone who has walked inside the building through that entrance has been making a scene to spite that sign. One girl stood outside of the window and yelled "BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH!!!"

Announcement!

Everyone, I have an announcement to make...

My birthday is coming up. Not just any birthday.. my 30th birthday. And because I like y'all so much.. I'm issuing an invitation to my little corner of the blogosphere to my birthday party.

Thing is: you have to e-mail me to RSVP in order to get directions and stuff. I may be in the phone book but I'm not sticking it up here.

It's a BBQ at my house. So if you plan to be in Nashville on Saturday, July 30th, shoot me an email (pink_kitty_post @ yahoo.com - remove the extra spaces) for more information.

Beer, pulled pork, etc... what could be better? And if its too hot outside for even a late afternoon/evening party, we will figure out a way to make room in the house.

Ramblin' Ramblin' Ramblin'

Disclaimer: This post is likely not to interest anyone... please consider it as talking outloud to oneself.. except for the freaky story in the middle. That might be amusing.

When one is attempting to close multiple estates, with multiple real estate locations.. the burden of deciding what goes and what stays laying squarely on your shoulders... and after a year and a half, it because... heavy, tiring, and just down right dull.

With the end in sight, I have one last decision to make... the Pink House... my grandmother's house in very desirable Berry Hill. Why it's the cat's meow, I dunno. I like her house. It's cute. It's in good shape. So I've spent the last year wrestling with the question: do I keep it or do I sell it? If I keep it, do I live there or should I set it up as a rental property?

Last week, basically on a whim, I decided to buy a house. Really - who decides to buy a house on a whim? Me, I guess. I saw one I liked and called my realtor and off we went. When I told the Associate Pastor's wife about it on Sunday (they've stepped up and are the best surrogate parents a girl could ask for), she was insistent that I remodel (that's because when they bought their house, they remodeled.) Remodeling it might be good if I plan to live there for 20 years.. or if I could do it myself and keep costs down.

Before I finish that story, I should tell you this story....

One of my best friend's came down from Clarksville for the weekend and she wanted to see the house I was interested in. We were going to eat a late lunch first but the place was closed so she insisted on driving by before we went to another restaurant. "Fine. I'll show it to you."
We get there and another realtor is taking a couple through. Girl hops out of my truck and runs up to the porch to ask if she would let us walk through very quickly.
Realtor is dumbstruck and couple viewing the place just doesn't know what to think... until....
"Do you have a realtor?"
"Yes, we do. We were just driving by and saw it was open... thought we would ask..."
And.. then that look... the realization that she had just said.... we. Fortunately, they were hippies and probably didn't think anything of it. Have I mentioned that I hate hippies?

Back in the truck I said "Like I need any more instances of mistaken sexual identity in my life!" Anyway, it provided quite the source of amusement for the next hour.

Upon closer inspection on Sunday with my realtor, it is basically a dump - misrepresented the size of the rooms, how many bedrooms (they counted the mudroom as a bedroom because there is a bathroom and something that resembles a closet. Hello? This is a mudroom!) The bathroom would have to be gutted and re-done... blah blah blah. It's a no-go on that house.

Do you honestly think that I would willingly choose to move from a middle class neighborhood into a lower class neighborhood? Yeah. I'm a snob. Everyone I talked to in the neighborhood was very nice - just good folks. But, I'm not living there. And no one I know would ever let me buy the house across the street from the pair of duplexes that have 9 cars parked there.

But I did find one I like and will be doing a second viewing this week. I should tell you this story too... Duke Diva came with me and the realtor so that there was another set of eyes looking at everything. And we walked into the cellar and she said "PK!!! Look at the wall!!"

I look at the wall and there are bugs all over it. At which I do the appropriately girly thing and shriek. "PHIL!!! WHAT IS THAT BEHIND YOU??? OH MY GOD!!! Are those spiders??"

"PK, those are crickets. It's cold and dark down here..."

"Well, they have to go! If they got in, things that are more disgusting can get in!" (For the record, we killed no bugs in the cellar of that house - which will make a fabulous place to keep wine!)

"The Chinese say that having a cricket in your house is supposed to be good luck... this house must be the luckiest house on the planet," Duke Diva said.

Sunday night, I'm laying in bed, praying about the whole situation. I said "God, if I could just talk to my brother... get his feedback on it. That would really be helpful." That was at midnight.

At 3am, while I'm awake suffering from a physical reaction to dinner the phone starts ringing. I scramble to get it and miss the call. And it's from the number that pops up when I get calls from Iraq. I sat there on the couch just saying over and over "Please call back. Please call back. Please call back. Please call back."

Sure enough, he did.

Since he had the day off, we got to talk for a whole hour. There is usually a 30 minute time limit. It was great. So I told UTMan about possibly selling the Berry Hill house. To summarize what he said: "Sell it. It's doubled in value. Get our money before the Planning Commission comes in and takes it because of Kelo!"

Then speaking to the realtor this morning, he suggested keeping it and using it for rental property. *bangs head on desk*

Well, that's where I am. Thanks for reading, if you are still reading and haven't stuck your eyes with hot pokers. I'm off to lunch.

Caption Contest Winner

Another contest has come and gone... parting is such sweet sorrow...
Blah blah blah. I am not the poet - Elena is.

So the winner is..... *drumroll*

Explode damn you! EXPLODE!!!
Tyler D.

Way to go! You get to wear the Burger King Crown until the next caption contest.

Jumping a Sinking Ship

Vox posts some mail on those who can are considering the possibility of leaving the US.

I spoke with my brother this weekend. He's still in Iraq (getting to come home for leave in August). We talked quite a bit about the new property tax levels, sales tax hike, wheel tax, and the Kelo decision. He said "Why is it that we are here defending people of another nation.. attemping to start a free society here when my own government is sucking freedom right out from underneath me while I'm gone?" Or something like that.

He has come to see his mission in Iraq as a way of serving the Kingdom of God - not the US. That is how he is coping and is able to serve both his fellow soldiers and locals. I can't imagine what the troops that do not have God in their life are going through.

The Name is Kitty.... Pink Kitty...

To reflect my love of all things Bond, the Scratching Post has a new outfit, designed by the lovely Heather at Radical Mama and CiaoMyBella.

Cosmos for the ladies, whiskey for the gents.. and if there are any horses around, get them a beer.

Because I don't want to miss out on the blogging frenzy!

Justice Sandra Day O'Connor annouces that she will retire before the court's next term begins in October.

Can we say Senate brawl anyone? I want to see Bill Frist and Ted Kennedy duke it out on the floor. Then W jumps in because we all know Texans can't miss a good fight...

That would be sweet.

South Park meets Michael Moore

You will respect my authoritah!

Or "I'm not fat. I'm big boned."
Or, in response to Kerry's loss in November, "Screw you guys. I'm going home."
Or " Follow your dreams, you can reach your goals. I'm living proof. Beefcake!! BEEFCAKE!!!"

Worst Job Ever, pt. 2

While at lunch yesterday, there was a guy at the opposite table who looked *way* too much like Bren from last season's Apprentice (whose name I know now because I looked him up to get his picture.) If you saw it at all, Bren was the guy with the bow tie.

I thought "OK.. people who impersonate celebrities have it bad because popularity fades in and out. If you've staked yourself on being a Chevy Chase look-a-like.. well... oops. But, it must suck to try to impersonate a reality show contestant. Come on! They are like D-level celebrities. Winners of reality shows bump up to C-level. Go to school, learn a trade... but don't impersonate some guy from The Apprentice!"

No Talking During the Movie!!!!

A few days ago, Brittney at NIT posted a question on why people go to fewer movies than they used to.

Lack of quality movies aside, reasons include sticky floors, babies, better home theaters, commercials, and trailers that go on for 30 minutes before the movie even starts. And movies generally are awful now-a-days. Gems worth paying $8.50 for are few and far between.

My reason - and one of the few things that will actually send me in Andrew Sullivan's gobsmackingly pissed off sphere: talking during the movie.

I can handle the occasional whisper. But... talking. Conversations. I've paid my money to see a movie, not to hear you talk about your lawn care, your girlfriend, or why you thought Spiderman was better than Batman. Save it for when the credit roll. Take it outside.

So to help educate folks on proper movie attendance behavior, I am going to buy some these:

Movie Manners Courtesy Cards

And some of these for other occasions where the fact that people are showing their backside in obvious ways and it needs to be brought to their attention. But like most Oblivions, they just won't get it.

Caption Contest

I found this at Kurt's blog and... well... it's just ripe for more captions.

Keep it safe for work, please! Entries due by Friday morning.

King Kong kicks TRex's you know whats-its!!!!

Let's put Peter Jackson against Steven Spielburg and see what would happen.

The dinosaur in this King Kong trailer looks alot like the TRex from Jurassic Park. Via The Superficial.

The trailer is awesome by the way. Can't wait! It goes on my must-see list for December. Now that King Kong is finished, Peter can start to make The Hobbit. Here's to hoping...

Speaking of, Andy Serkis is playing King Kong......

You know - the guy who played Gollum in LOTR?

Does this mean that King Kong will yell out "KING KONG! KING KONG!!!" when he coughs or say to Ann Darrow "my precioussssss!" when he yanks her from the sacrificial table?

And Adrian Brody just does not strike me as the hero type. Maybe he's supposed to be the reluctant hero.. the everyday man who does something great? I dunno.

Back to the subject of Peter Jackson, no one will be able to say "Peter could beat Steven by sitting on him!" because if you check out this picture, you will see that Mr. Jackson has cleaned up right nicely. He's moved from 'dwarf' to 'Sam' on the LOTR hotness scale. You can see more of Peter Jackson in his new-thin-sans-glasses state in the AFI Tribute to George Lucas that has been running on USA.

Question...?

Why do so many country songs end by repeating the first line of the song?

I... cannot... freakin'... believe... this.......

What Famous Leader Are You?
personality tests by similarminds.com

Of all the people some silly quiz could say I am like, it tells me (no matter how many times I took it or with how many questions) that I am like Bill Clinton.

When I said to Miss O'hara that I just couldn't stand it and that I was going to lie.. I couldn't stand to be like Bill Clinton, she said "Well, then.. it is right. :) "

Grrrrr....

Thank God I did not have sexual relations with that woman... Hillary Clinton. Or any other woman for that matter.

I was tagged.....

I'm it. Of course I'm it. Would it be any other way?

The lovely and talented Miss O'hara tagged me with some post about books... so here we go...

Q. The most books you’ve ever owned?

I've never counted them so I have no idea. Many of my books are in boxes because I have no where to put them. Amazon.com says that I've purchased and/or said I own over 635 books (that would be since 1997.) So... I would guess... at least 1000 books are in my personal library on any number of topics: religion and personal growth in faith, (now not so) current events - because what's current changes... constantly, philosophy, cultural commentary/op ed, humor, history, how-to books, and a smattering of fiction.

Q. The last book I bought...

I think it was Shake Hands with the Devil: The Failure of Humanity in Rwanda by Romeo Dallaire. I saw the documentary version at the Nashville Film Festival and was incredibly moved. Romeo Dallaire was the Canadian General who led the UN forces on the ground during the genocide. Talk about a man trying to stop a flood with a small bucket. I highly recommend it.

No wait (checks Amazon.com account) ... After that I bought Big Hair, Bad Hair, The Gallery of Regrettable Food, Interior Desecrations, The Heart is Deceitful Above All Things (another book that inspired a Nashville Fill Festival flick), and The House in Good Taste... all of which I've thumbed through but haven't read. I've bought alot of music recently, too.

Q. The last book I read...

From start to finish? I have a tendancy to start reading books and never finish. But I am almost done with Gone with the Wind. If I were finished with it, I would add it to my list of favorite books that you'll see later.

Ahhh... I remember now. It was Real Sex by Laura Winner. It is her examination of chastity as a spiritual discipline. Much more substantive than saying "True Love Waits" over and over... which seems to be the general message of modern Christianity in regards to sex. Great if your 15.. but when you are 30, you start to wonder 'what is it that I'm waiting for?' I started re-reading it again the other night.

Q. The five books that meant the most to me...

Since I am a Christian, it only makes sense that the Bible would be up there as the book most important to me. In the interest of picking my own brain, I am not going to count it among the 5.

1. 1984. George Orwell. I read this book as a freshmen in high school. I was the only one in my class to get the political over and undertones. I read the first copy I bought so many times that it fell apart. I finally splurged and bought a hard back copy that I've read once. I like my worn to the spine paperback version.
   
2. We. Yevgeny Zamyatin. Notice the dystopian novel theme, here? We is by a Russian novelist and similar to 1984. It pre-dates 1984. Some argue that Orwell pretty much stole the idea from Zamyatin because of the similarities. Another book in a similar vein is Swastika Night by Katherine Burdekin, published in 1937. I haven't read it yet but I do have it... in one of the oodles of boxes. From the description, Swastika Night could possibly be an influence on Atwood's A Handmaid's Tale as well as 1984.
   
3. Ain't Nobody's Business If You Do : The Absurdity of Consensual Crimes in Our Free Country. Peter McWilliams. After jumping into the libertarian pool with both feet in 1997, I needed some knowledge other than LP press releases. I found this book after writing a paper on the philosophical justification of pornography (I was all about shock value then. I think I was the only one in my senior seminar not permitted to discuss her paper in class.. just as well. It wasn't that good anyway.) For sources I used Wendy McElroy and Peter McWilliams. Every page of McWilliams's book has a quote in the corner relating to creation or destruction of liberty. That alone is worth the price of the book (as I said in my amazon.com review in 1998.)
   
4. Wear More Cashmere. Jennifer Sander. 151 ways to pamper yourself. No, I've not worked through all 151 but I use it as a reminder that life is too short to not allow myself just a little bit of excess every now and then... like the vacation in Vail. Wine with dinner.. dessert... really good dessert... and that expensive bottled water that just became available in Nashville. And the little blue box from Tiffany's... with my engraved silver keychain. One does not need to spend beaucoup $$$ for something from Tiffany's. Elena and Duke Diva were just as ecstatic with their key chains as well. :) And wear high heels more often as opposed to my ragged beat all to heck brown flats.
   
5. A History of God. Karen Armstrong. Another book for class - Social, Racial, and Ethnic Diversity in Higher Education... or "if you are white and Christian of either gender we are going to do our best to make you feel bad." Myself and another Christian classmate felt like we had to constantly circle the wagons to defend ourselves and our faith.
   
6. Better than Beauty: A Guide to Charm. Helen Valentine, et al. Published in the late 1930's, it has recently been re-printed. Like a light saber, it is an elegant weapon for a more civilized age. I'm still learning... manners, poise, grace, and kindness never go out of style. When I think about it, I wonder "is the blog too snarky?" "Should I tone it down a bit?" "Am I too vitriolic?" Usually about the time I have these questions, someone says "I LOVE that post you did on..." "You are so funny when you are complaining about stuff. It's great! I love it!" I don't want to be known as the girl who constantly complains about stuff. How attractive is that? Now I've created my own little moment here... *sigh* I'm all verklempt. Talk amongst yourselves...
   

So that's 6.... Others close to my heart: A Guide to Elegance : For Every Woman Who Wants to Be Well and Properly Dressed on All Occasions (I have given this as a gift... hehe. The cover is similar in color to Tiffany's robin egg blue), I'm Just Here for the Food, Home Comforts, Hallmarks of Felinity : A 9 Chickweed Lane Book, and Bad Cat.

I, however, am not tagging anyone in return. If I tagged someone else then I wouldn't be it anymore. You see the questions and if they are of interest to you, please feel free to respond here or at your own blog.

Subliminal Smells Sell

Breaking news: Men rate Men's Health as a masculine magazine in comparision to Allure and National Geographic... Women have less interest in men's lifestyle magazine.

Possible sales went up when men wore masks with coated with man sweat..

*blinks*

Dirty Tricksy Hobbistes!

The title has little to do with the post. I just haven't gotten my Gollum quotes in for a while.

NASA found the Eye of Sauron. So long as it doesn't to that cheesy spotlight thing that we see at the end of Return of the King, it's all good.

Does this make Hubble a Palantir?

A purr to VodkaPundit.

Funniest Line I've read all day....

From HeinzKerryKennedy Industries comes ' The Kushioned Koran Holy Roll ' , that's right my little Mullah's, experience the feel of the holiest toilet paper in the world, while brushing up on your Koran Knowledge as each sheet has Koran scriptures written on them.

A purr to: CapnConservative: ' Holy Koran Toilet Paper , Batman it's Dickory Turban Durbin !!! '

All your property belongs to us...

Us being whatever government branch wants to take it.

Supreme Court Rules Cities May Seize Homes

Now, property rights are a sham.

'Owning land' is a figment of your imagination.

I think I'm going to sell the two pieces of property I own and just rent. One of my homes is in a very popular largely commercial area (the land is zoned for either commercial or residential use).. makes me scared to think that someone from the City could know on my door and say 'Pink Kitty... Joe Blow Construction is interested in your property and.. well.. it's better for the community if they are here. We will give you $25,000 for it.' The property, if going commercial, is worth WAY more than that!!!

The new lofts in Melrose are looking much more attractive than my little house in Berry Hill.

Update: Blake, vying to replace Evil Glenn Reynolds as the Human Aggregator, has a great roundup.

Today's useless study....

Again, someone found another topic to spend money on to point out the obvious:

Cellphones take up driver attention, study finds

Thank you Christine... and Captain Obvious! We never could have figured it out without some massive document that spent umpteen thousands of dollars! I will surely sleep better tonight knowing this information.. and a Unisom.

Photos from Iraq

My brother with Iraqi children
Originally uploaded by pink-kitty.

My brother sent me a collection of pictures from his recent humanitarian mission with the TN National Guard.

Just what little bit I've chatted with him, I think this mission changed him for the better. Click on my Flickr collection to see the rest.

I.. am not... a hippy!

Somehow... I'm not sure... but all the women I've met at the belly dance workshops I've attended in the last couple of weeks seem to think I'm a hippy.

"You would love the drum circle! It's once a month and it's music and dancing. You would fit right in!"

Excuse me? I think Elena nearly hurt herself when I told her this little story. "OH BOY... they are going to be in for quite the surprise if they ever ask you about politics."

Belly dance does not make one a hippy. They are not mutually exclusive [Edited because everyone is picking on my poor grammar skills]. Liking one does not imply that you are into the other. I don't want anything to do with your sparkly, lovey-dovey self-help 'goodness.' I don't want to awaken the goddess within. Surge of feminine.. energy? Keep your auras to yourself. Don't touch me unless you are trying to help me with my myas (downward figure-8 hip move that I just can't seem to get to work) or make sure of proper alignment.

I'm more about the sensous quality of belly dance, ok? I happen to like it when guys think I'm attractive... I like being attractive to them. And that little statement is likely to get me banished from the hippy-dippy-trippy belly dance crew. Yippee.

Fashion Faux Pas

Yes, I'm picking on the Vandygirls again but... if I saw this anywhere else, I would say something about it, too.

Scene: A meeting last week to teach the new students how to use the registration system.

Freshman girl walks by wearing this gauzey yellow skirt.. not bad. It's cute... but... her black thong was very visible underneath the thin yellow fabric.

PK's thought: Well, I'm glad you want to show your school spirit but... don't you think that is a bit much?

Being a proud sister

I don't think he'll mind if I share the email that I received from my brother on Saturday, especially given all the fussiness at NashvilleIsTalking and Lance In Iraq. I think there needs to be some good news from what's going on with our military (I know they are talking about Gitmo but anyway....):

Dear PK,

I just wanted to tell about the humanitarian mission I was privilaged to go on. I was really blessed to go. Those kids and adults are just dying for things American. I gave away some apple-caramel Newtons that BamaGirl sent me. I don't know if they were a hit because I found one of the Newtons on the ground broken in half. I got my picture taken with a few of the little ones too.

I don't want this to sound like it was all fun and games. This is still a very poor country. I've witnessed it. The kids would fight each other for whatever they could get. Moms would hand stuff to their kids to guard it. It was madness.

I am really thankful to have gone on it. Despite the actions of the locals. Seeing how I'm making a difference here makes me eager to get home so I can make a difference there.

Take care and I hope you are doing well.

Love,
UT Man

Belly Dance Photo of the Week - Ansuya

This week's photo is also a bit of promotion: Saturday night at Nashville Tech's auditorium, Ansuya will be performing as a part of her weekend-long visit to Music City for a variety of workshops (sponsored by the Nashville Belly Dance group). I don't know who the local performers are but I know they will be a part of the festivities. For you Nashville girls, this is your chance to meet up with some local instructors and talk about possible classes.

Buy tickets through the NBG's website via PayPal (IE is needed - the applet doesn't like Netscape) for $15 or $20 at the door.

Caption Contest Winner

Wow - ow -wow... there were some fine entries this week.

It was a close one, lemme tell ya. I loved all of them. But.. the hand's down (pun) winner is...

Zach Baker with

It's mine precious! It's MINE!!!!

Congrats! Have a great weekend y'all. See you Monday!

Finally something just for me and me alone...

It all started with a post about Batman Begins over at Pith in the Wind.

So being the ever helpful sort, I decided to indulge my lady readers in some photos of the "ridiculously good looking" Christian Bale.

Guys, no fussing. I've posted plenty of hot looking girls for your eyes and the belly dance photo of the week will be up on Monday.

Christian Bale


As Preston from Equilibrium

There are a couple of others in my flickr photostream. :)

As an aside, Nate was right. Elena and I saw Equilibrium... and WOW!!!! That is what the Matrix could have been if Keanu Reeves could act.

Come on... admit it... you only like the part in the first Matrix were he goes "Whoa..." and are just waiting for Bill S. Preston, Esquire to show up. Actually, I do like the first Matrix. It's the other two that make my head hurt.

Bringing a tear to my eye...

CMT has this show called Small Town Secrets. They did a story recently about the Knob Creek Machine Gun Shoot. Let me tell ya, PK was all misty-eyed watching folks with big guns blow things up. One guy looked so very much like my dad that it was creepy.

Anyway, the tracer round demonstration was AWESOME!!!! And then things started exploding and there was a fire. What a beautiful sight.

I'm getting veklempt now... excuse me...

The Ultimate Blog Post EVER!!!!

Mr. Bray at DE NOVO outlines the qualities of the funniest, most e-prop garnering.. the ULTIMATE post ever.

What is The Ultimate Post? Read it here.

"This Space For Rent"

Originally uploaded by pink-kitty.

In an attempt to earn some money, Jolene decided to rent out space on her stockings to the Rock-n-Roll Hall of Fame.

While the ad money was great, no one told her exactly how ugly the ad would be and that the whole idea was in extremely bad taste.

Taken in Glenwood Springs, CO.

Doc Holliday's Grave

Doc Holliday's Grave
Originally uploaded by pink-kitty.

Glenwood Springs, CO. I didn't make it to the actual grave site.. which is good because it was a killer hike I wasn't prepared for and the grave isn't marked anyway.

DC - I know you are jealous. ;)

Vacation Pictures

Sign in a window
Originally uploaded by pink-kitty.

I saw this and thought of Nate.

Yes, I'm going to have lots of fun with flickr!

Happy Blog Birthday!

The fantastically funny Lord Floppington (a past winner of the caption contest) had his one year blogoversary yesterday. I was introduced to him when he took a picture of the furry Empress Kitty and added it to a Star Wars parody.

What's not to love about that? (Considering my own track record of Star Wars parodies. Another one is in the works by the way. The horse isn't quite dead yet.)

I do apologize for being late in my well wishes but you know the duties of an Empress take her far and wide. Happy Blog Birthday, dear!

Stop by, say hello... we all need the linky love.

I am not making this up...

In addition to pining for lip gloss and a Manolo Blahnik men's shoe line, French men yearn for pregnancy

As Miss O'Hara said "That's attractive. A nice hairy preggers man-tummy."

In unrelated news, French women have continued to not shave...

Captioning Kenny...

"Did you really have to do that on the red carpet? Women and children are present."

Is this a formal caption contest? Hmmm... maybe... just maybe...

Observations on pan handlers

On my way to the CMA Music Fest.. the Festival formerly known as Fan Fair, there was a guy soliciting money from cars at the exit ramp onto Broadway from I-40. There is usually someone standing there.

I have one piece of advice: your efforts to garner sympathy and money might go a little better if you weren't listening to your i-pod as cars passed by.

Product Testing

On my way out of Titans Stadium or whatever its name is Sunday evening, there were some kids handing out the new Coke Zero. I'm not sure what Coke Zero is but I was thirsty and it was going to be a long walk back to my car. So I took one and went on my way.

When cold, it tasted suspiciously like Diet Coke. I hate Diet Coke. I would go thirsty rather than drink Diet Coke.

As it got warmer, it actually tasted better. I still not going to go buy one though. It probably tasted its best because it was free.

Fashion Week Continues

Here at the Scratching Post, many of this week's entries have centered around what to.. or not to wear. To continue that tradition is one of the freakin' funniest blogs ever made:

Go Fug Yourself

It should come with a warning:

• Do not eat while viewing this site.
• Do not drink while viewing this site.
• Keep all limbs inside the car at all times as the ride may suddenly veer in another direction and your limb may be chopped off.
• Tissues may be needed to mop up tears.
• Be mindful of co-workers who stare while you struggle to keep your laughter under 100 decibles.

Caption Contest Winner

I must say... I love the caption contest. This week, the Burger King crown goes to....

Miz Direction with

It's the TICKLE MONSTER! I'm gonna get you!

It was a difficult decision. I just couldn't decide which of y'all was the funniest. I stayed awake all last night trying to figure it out.

Technology forcing the return of vintage fashion

Vox refers to an article about a guy paying via thumbprint on a scanner.

ZT, in the comments, said that we should wear gloves so that our prints wouldn't be lifted off of glasses to use for fraud.

I for one can't wait until I can wear gloves and not have people think I'm a freak for doing so. I think I still have my nana's white kid leather gloves among all the estate boxes. And they would tick PETA off at the same time. Love it!

Staying ahead of the curve

Miss O'Hara informed me that Laura Ingram, the Washington Post and the NY Post are all talking about the new masculinity. I couldn't find the articles but then again, I'm just too lazy to dig past the first couple of pages.

Just remember: you read it here first.. and I read it first someplace else.

Anyway, to continue to make Nate and Res twitch:

Make-up: the new masculine market craving

No, I don't make this stuff up folks. This idea makes Queer Eye for the Straight Guy look positively butch. At least they just focus on skin care and not the benefits of liquid vs. pencil eyeliner.

Nate said something about it at his place, too.

Speaking of guys in drag, I had a bit of an eye opener recently. It had NEVER EVER occurred to me that belly dancing would attract drag performers. When I saw the documentary "American Bellydancer" a few weeks ago, Miles Copeland (the producer) was relating in a meeting how they were accused of being sexist by only including female dancers in their show. Cut to a performance of a rather large person in a red dress tearing up the dance floor... and then the wig is yanked off to reveal a guy.

The audience shrieked and laughed. I about died.

When I spoke to The Professor about it, he said "Oh yeah - there are a number of drag performers in belly dance." *shudder*

Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.... Can I get one?

or 'What happened to the power of the french-blue shirt?'



*cough cough*

Not really but the lovely and talented Miss O'Hara sent me a link to a Yahoo News story about up and coming fashions for men.

What's wrong with that picture? Do we have the time? Yes, of course we do.

1. Backward suspenders are SO 1990 - "A Different World" - not "In Living Color." They are not and never were cool. Hey, dude, be sure to sing "Jump Jump.. the Mack dad'll make you Jump Jump" when you wear that out, mm-kay? The girls will be lining up around the block!
2. As I said in "Fashion Advice for the Leftist Set," horizontal stripes work for no one... not even skinny, shapeless, sallow-faced male models.
3. If you are Thurston Howell the III or Dracula, you may wear an ascot. Otherwise, DON'T!
4. Fire your colorist. They didn't match your hair to your eyebrows. Eww.
   

That's just the picture. The article is even more humorous:

"The masculine ideal is being completely modified. All the traditional male values of authority, infallibility, virility and strength are being completely overturned," said Pierre Francois Le Louet, the agency's managing director.

Instead today's males are turning more towards "creativity, sensitivity and multiplicity," as seen already in recent seasons on the catwalks of Paris and Milan.

Arnold Schwarznegger and Sylvester Stallone are being replaced by the 21st-century man who "no longer wants to be the family super-hero", but instead has the guts to be himself, to test his own limits.

"We are watching the birth of a hybrid man. ... Why not put on a pink-flowered shirt and try out a partner-swapping club?" asked Le Louet, stressing that the study had focused on men aged between 20 and 35.

Now that our resident masculine men have finished spitting on their monitors, let me just say this:

Men who want to wear pink flowered shirts, ruffles, can stay the f*** away from me! I'm the girl in the relationship. If wanted to be with another woman... eww.. I don't so let's just not go there.

If walking out on a committed relationship is what is now called 'manly' because you need to find yourself, I want no part of it. Then again, that's the excuse women have been using thanks to feminism for years. "I don't want to be married to you anymore. I need me-time." It would only make sense that men would eventually catch on and do the same thing.

Feminine-men apologists may say "Cary Grant was well dressed." Yes.. but there was little doubt that Cary Grant and other stars of the Golden Age of Hollywood were MEN. They walked like men. They talked like men. They excuded a masculine presense that drew women to them. He wore a suit - not fluffy sweaters. These new Euro-weenie styled fellas exude too much Botox.

I think that it's just WRONG that this article would dare to presume to call these males "men." They aren't men. They are women with the wrong body parts.

Final note: it is amusing that this article is digging up something that already has a name and that some sociologists are attempting to make metrosexuality sound new, different, and important.

Overheard in Vail

While at lunch (er.. for Nate - dinner) at this Austrian restaurant this past Friday, I overheard:

"THAT'S MINE!!!! DON'T TOUCH IT!"

Not from a 3 year old. But from the 73 year old woman at the table with her other grandmother-type friends... yelling at the top of her lungs and smacking the arm of the lady sitting beside her.

The whole scene made me want to go over and say "If you can't sit here and eat your wienerschnitzel quietly, we are going home and you can go without dinner (or the non-Blogger Blaster readers: lunch)."

It was still too early for supper.

Caption Contest!

Now that Pope-a-palooza has calmed down to where we barely hear a peep from the Vatican, it seems like a good time to post this photo.

Get your entries in by 6-9-05 (Thursday). I'll post the winner on Friday.

Even curious?

About where I went... hmmm? Well.. hmph. I'm going to tell you anyway. More details and pictures to follow.. stuff to make the men-folk drool. Stuff to make the ladies go "OH MY WORD! WHAT WAS SHE THINKING WHEN SHE PICKED THAT OUT?!" And a few overheards that will make you scratch your head.

I spent a week in Vail and a couple of days in Denver. And it snowed on Saturday. I'm from the South. Snow belongs in the winter. Not June. But that's what I get for staying at a place 8000+ feet above sea level.

Had a great belly dance lesson (dancer to be named later because I don't want to spoil a future belly dance photo of the week) and even had the chance to dance a little bit on Saturday night at Mataam Fez - a great Moroccan place on Colfax that if you are ever in Denver, you should go. That was the highlight of my trip. I definately will be making plans to visit her again and/or attend one of her workshops.

Coming to a TV set near you

Some 'worthwhile' shows from NBC:

Hit Me Baby One More Time brings one or two hit wonders back in a way that VH1 (the Nostalgia Music Channel) probably wish they could do. VH1 had that reuniting the band thing but there were times that it fizzled out because some members had, you know, moved on with their lives and weren't making music anymore. Last week saw Arrested Development (the band not the TV show on some other network) winning over Flock of Seagulls and Tiffany. Flock of Seagulls somehow isn't as impressive without the hair. Is someone paying Britney's song writers for the use of her first big hit?

Vanilla Ice will be on this week. He said several years ago that he would never sing "Ice Ice Baby" again. I'm almost tempted to watch it but I have better things to do... just what yet, I dunno.

And for this fall, NBC brings us "The Apprentice" - Martha Stewart style. Will she say "you're fired" a la the Donald? Or will she say "You are not a good thing?" Time will only tell. Contestants will likely have to craft their way through at least one episode, making things out of fancy paper, die cut sheet metal, ribbon, dried flowers, and some other little whatchmacallit that isn't available except by Martha Stewart mail-order. "It's very pret-ty."

I know - You missed me.

And from what I heard, a small hornet's nest got stirred up over at Elena's....

Well, I'm back! Blogging will resume.. uh... sometime on Monday.

At the Countess's Villa

Come on over to Countess Elena's for a bit o' fun or silliness as a break in your day.

Empress Pink Kitty shall return around June 5th or so.

Guest Blogging

The Empress is going out of town and will be without internet access for over a week. Whoo-hoo!

So, I've asked Countess Elena to pick up the mantle while I am away and either post here or at Polka Dotted Sky.

Have a great week everyone and I will see you soon!

We're from the government and we are here to help...

OK, so it's a group of doctors and not the government but they are asking the British goverment to do something.

Doctors' kitchen knives ban call

Question - what am I supposed to cut the fat off my steak with before grilling it if I can't have a kitchen knife? Remember, if you ban knives, only criminals will have them!

Next they will ban:
water because people drown
electricity because people electricute themselves
tall buildings because people jump off of them

And then they will ask for padded sidewalks and everything to have rounded edges because people trip and hurt themselves.

Ten Questions

Via Machine Overloards and Michelle at A Small Victory comes the Bernard Pivot/James Lipton list of 10 questions asked on The Actor's Studio. Because I know you want to get to know me better, here are my answers:

1. What is your favorite word?

Words of the moment: Fabulous! And freakin'. And sweet. Very South Park, I know.

2. What is your least favorite word?

No. But usually when I hear it, it is for the best. That doesn't mean I have to like it.

3. What turns you on creatively, spiritually or emotionally?

Good music inspires the imagination. That can launch into choreography, prayer, meditation, woship, and a wide range of emotions from happiness, joy, reverence, or humility.

4. What turns you off?

Boring-a$ lectures

5. What is your favorite curse word?

I can't say it - it isn't safe for Elena's work. But I do have one.

6. What sound or noise do you love?

Kitty purring (just not right in my ear first thing in the morning)

7. What sound or noise do you hate?

Car alarms, that stupid bird next door

8. What profession other than your own would you like to attempt?

Professional belly dancer

9. What profession would you not like to do?

President of the United States

10. If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates?

"Well done my good and faithful servant." and then "Come on in. We've got bbq pork - Memphis style.. and some NC style because Duke Diva is here and she likes that, too... and lemonade." Yeah, I know pigs are unclean but mmmmm... pork bbq.... That's good stuff, right there.

Delivering the smackdown

Oops! Some legislators are spending the morning at the big house.

2 Memphis legislators (including my former boss, John Ford) and 2 from near Chattanooga were arrested for violations of the Hobbs Act. No that's not anything Bill Hobbs (who has a great post on all the goings-on, BTW) has anything to do with :)

Extortion people. Are we surprised AT ALL?!

Not me said the flea.

Update (1:29pm): The blogosphere's resident redneck, Nate, always has very colorful commentary. I agree. Anyday that starts with John Ford being arrested is a good day. It is unfortunate that it's likely he won't actually serve any prison time if convicted.

Captioning Katie Couric

I know. I always give the photos to you, gentle readers, to caption... today that's a bit different. Here are some captions of Ms. Couric.

• I feel pretty, oh so pretty... I feel pretty.
• *high pitched voice* What? What is this breathing thing you are talking about?
• Yeah... the scientists on the mother ship said the wound will heal. No one should notice the implant and receiver in the back of my head.
• And a one... and a two... step to the left... good! Step to the right! Ladies, God wouldn't have given you maracas if He didn't want you to SHAKE 'EM!!!!!!
• After this broadcast, Al Roker and I are going into the trailer. Make sure we aren't disturbed, m'kay?
• Life has been SOOOOO much better since the team gave me my own on/off switch.
• Can you tell if that Clairol Hydrience color worked? It works for Heather Locklear and I'm twice as cute as she is!
  

Today's Useless Study

Don't pat him on the back more than 3 times - The Man Hug

That's right. Some semi-smart PHD types with nothing better to do have published results of a study about the Man Hug. Different types, variations on a theme, when it's appropriate. I'm not sure which is more gay.. someone actually studying the man-hug or manties (ruffly panties for men - link found via Mr. Roboto).

It's used, therefore it's a bargain

So the train of thought goes. One of those magazine-like shows (Dateline or something) had a segment on things you should never buy used. Not having seen the show, I have no idea what they came up with. One of my former co-workers told me about this show that ran on public access in Knoxville where some local guys sold stuff like on QVC. One time it was an old wooden washtub. Another was a box of random items pulled out of someone's bathroom cabinet: hairbrush, open box of tampons, and some other sundry items. The EWWW factor followed right after I stopped laughing. According to my buddy, the guys were bothered by the fact no one was calling in on the great deal for the gently used bathroom products.

As a public service, here is PK's list of things you should never buy used:

Socks and underwear
Christmas trees
Dental Floss
Soap
An opened jar of sweet midget pickles

What other things should one not buy used?

Who pays?

Candy Girl has a post on May 20th (permalink isn't working properly) responding to other discussions on who should pay for the first date... all of which were started by this Gawker post.

[Excerpt from email] When the BILL(S) came she sobered up fast. I caught a glimpse of hers, 5 drinks plus a little finger food $319.00 I think it was. She looked shocked and sick to her stomache when she saw 2 bills. Guess she thought I was buying. Think again. (The old me woulda soaked up the bill but steared her away from the Blue) I had 4 drinks, no food and a great buzz. Pricey Stoli,but overall still a good value (i ate a ton of free macadamias and almonds) $36.00. D*mn I thought, that BLUE label will get you every time. Of course she did more than the traditional fumble through her purse. Her face was beat red and she was speechless. She left the bill on the table and excused herself for the restroom.

Whether or not the story is true, it does pose an interesting question. I've always offered and came prepared to pay for my share of a meal on a date. I order inexpensive items from the menu (i.e. a pasta dish as opposed to a steak). It's a first date, not an exploratory dig into his finances. I felt bad when this one guy opened his wallet and there were at least 5 credit cards in there. He thumbed for a moment to find one and then paid. Yes, I did offer.

But to another first date - and only date - story. Meet guy at movie theater. Get to ticket window, I offer to buy my movie ticket. He insists. "Are you sure? I don't mind." Guy throws hissy fit. "I will pay for it! It is my blah blah blah.." man is supposed to pay... The poor girl at the counter looked like she'd just been hit with a truck. I look at her and hold up 2 fingers. "He's paying."

AND THEN... after the movie, we were chatting in the parking lot, Guy has the nerve to ask me to take fliers to campus to promote his new tech support business or whatever. Guy does not call for 2nd date... PK does not email/call to encourage 2nd date. And PK is glad to not hear from him again.

Belly Dance Photo of the Week

This week's featured dancer is Dolphina, creator of the Goddess Workout. Personally, I don't think much of her as a dancer and her videos are just plain silly. The whole chakra thing is a bit much. The CDs are surprisingly good. But, I thought Nate in particular would enjoy the pictures anyway... being a lover of blondes.

A Night at the Symphony

Friday night, I went to see the Nashville Symphony Pops series with Big Bad Voodoo Daddy. BBVD is one of my favorite bands and I was thrilled to see them play live! I got gussied up, a good seat in the tier and settled in to watch the show.

One would think that the cost of the tickets would skew the crowd to a more refined segment of the population. One that knew how to behave in a large concert hall. I could not have been more mistaken.

Apparently I was in the redneck section of Jackson Hall.

To my left was Darth Vader minus his costume. His breathing was so heavy and loud I could barely hear the music in some parts. Add to that the constant chatter between he and his wife... and Mrs. Vader singing along to Moon River. Oh yeah. But my night just kept getting better.

Three - THREE - rows in front of me, I heard all about this one couple's saga regarding the purchase of real estate. The poor girl behind them kept asking them to be quiet but they just would not shut up.

Intermission. The Vaders go home and I'm blessedly alone for the most part. 2 seats open to my right, 3 seats open to my left and those immediately in front of me are also vacant. Those that were left behaved themselves in the first act.

Then come in Mr. and Mrs. A.S. Hole. And I am almost literal in that description. Cue BBVD. Place is jumping. Everyone's having a good time save for the Holes. They are talking. Not whispering. Talking. Elena can tell you... if there is anything that will send me into levels of pissed off rarely seen it is talking in theaters, concerts, movies, etc... when one is supposed to be QUIET! Why would you pay $9 at a movie or close to $70 for the Symphony to sit there and talk? You could do that at home or at a restaurant for much less money and it would be in an appropriate venue. So, I leaned forward and nicely asked if they could keep their whispering down. Mrs. Hole looked at me as though to kill me and said "yes."

Two seconds later, Mr. Hole turned around and asked "Is it ok if we sing?"

"Only if you can sing in tune."

So for the next three songs, Mr. Hole tells everyone around him to be quiet when it's time to applaud between songs. But no one else said anything to Mr. Hole. They just let him continue to be a Hole. I hoped hoped hoped he said something to me again.... because I was going to say something so childish, immature, non-Christian that I dare not repeat it here.

After that experience, it is highly unlikely I will ever go back to the Symphony or TPAC for that matter.

A Sith's Revenge

Because some of my gentle readers may not want it spoiled, I've buried the review off of the front page.

Let's keep the comments on that post, m'kay?

Caption Contest Winner

Another Caption Contest has come and gone here at the Scratching Post. I will say, every time I look at that picture of Kim Jong Il, I hear "I'm so ronery, so ronery... so sad so arone... sitting on my rittle throne..."

Another great contest, y'all. Funny entries all the way around!

Elena and I were talking about it and I came up with another caption but I don't remember what it was. I do remember I laughed so hard that I declared myself the winner. Elena then threatened to lead a palace revolt to take the Burger King cardboard crown away from me. Don't make me call out the Stormtroopers, girlfriend!

Onto the winner - the Burger King crown this week goes to.......

Lord Floppington with

World's tiniest dictator eats world's sourest lemon.

Hah!

Have a fabulous weekend everybody!

Calling Captain Obvious

or Best Headline EVER

Via Miss O'Hara: Europe unites in hatred of French

Nice to know they hate the French too. No news in the article about how much they hate America.... but we already know that.

Fixing non-broken things

The lovely and talented Miss O'Hara said it better than I could.

Why on earth did VW have to take one of the best movies ever, Singin' in the Rain and just slap it around. Gene Kelly does NOT need help in the dance department. Certainly not that street/faux break dancing crap he's doing in that ad. Ugh.

Full Review of Episode III

I had something all written up. Very funny if I do say so myself... but Tim Morgan did a much better job - minus all the details about the movie for you folks who hadn't seen it.

Must read... particularly the Monty Python reference. Tim, I thought about that too. It was hard not to yell out "WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO? BLEED ON ME?!" as the next line for Obi Wan.

Because I know you all will be clammoring for what I had to say, I will post my full review this weekend. By that time, enough details will have leaked that what I have to say won't matter anymore aside from still being funny.

The Fashionista Strikes Again!

Note to Lee Ann Womack and all stylists:

Your skin tone should NOT match the carpet of the event, m'kay.



Countess Elena adds: "Use the self-tanner litmus test. If you have gone to Oompa-Loompa, you've gone too far.

The Force Was with this Movie

Freakin' SWEET! I will write a more complete review but that's all I'm putting up at the moment.

More Scenes from Nashville

At lunch, I heard the gentleman at the next table attempting to impress his lady companion. I guess instead of tales of heroism, knowledge of great works of literature and philosophy, or musical ability.... such high brow talk might cause her head to explode.

Oh no... our gallant gentleman impresses his date by talking about the great deal he got at Best Buy on his digital camera and docking station. He also talks about himself for 45 straight minutes. I think the only thing I heard her say was to the server "I'm still hungry. I would like an order of buffalo feathers."

Rough approximation of the gentleman's conversation: "I'm great. I'm fabulous. I make lots of money and the company pays my travel expenses. I am working on this multi-million dollar contract. Me me me... I I I."

Then the bill came. And he starts complaining about the fact that it doubled from the first time the server brought it. Duh... you ordered 2 more drinks and the buffalo feathers after you got the first bill. "It went from $24 to almost $48!" Yes, that's alot for lunch but you are the pair drinking cocktails.

He went on and on until lady companion offers to pay for the buffalo feathers. Yeah.

Make like a tree and get outta here

"It's make like a tree and leave..."

I don't admit to a fashion faux pas very often but.. if I were wearing a skirt today instead of khaki slacks, I would look like a reject from a 1950's film about home economics or something.

How my hair decided to do "the flip" all by itself is beyond me.

Today's Useless Study

More scientists are having their Captain Obvious/Christine moments by telling us what we already know:

Menstrual Cycle May Alter Brain Chemistry - may cause mood swings.

Whew... I'm glad they spent that money to clear that up.

Caption Contest!

Oh dear oh dear. What is Kim Jong Il saying or thinking?

Remember - keep it safe for work, please! Results posted on Friday.

Proper Care and Use of the English Language

Is not to be found in this headline:

2nd Avenue Merchants: Bullets Are Bad For Business

Unless you are a gun shop/range owner.

Random thought of the day

Trent Reznor of Nine Inch Nails would probably be very ticked off if he were to know that I don't appreciate his music for its.. um.. intellectual qualities and depth of feeling.

Track 1 on their new CD is very suited to belly dancing.

Similarities

I don't make these things up, folks...



Natalie Portman at the Cannes Film Festival for the premiere of Star Wars: Episode III... looking a little too much like....



Demi Moore in GI Jane. Eww.

Spy on your neighbor...

Report them to the state....
Win big prizes from Big Brother! Whoo-hoo!

Be a good citizen! Turn that driver in for littering.

The report on News Channel 5 credited Senator Diane Black with the legislation but the bill I found was entered by Senator Charolette Burks. Regardless, somebody down there sponsored legislation that would encourage drivers to turn in people to TDOT if they are seen littering on the highways of Tennessee.

You don't get anything, good citizen of the State, for turning in your other drivers but the offender gets a letter from TDOT telling them to stop it.

Kim Jong Il (sounding like Cartman's Vietnamese prostitute impression): And what will you do Hans Blix if I don't turn over my nuclear weapons?

Hans Blix: We will send you a very strongly worded letter expressing our disappointment.

OK - awful paraphrase from Team America (out on DVD Tuesday!) but close enough.

You under-estimate the power of the Dark Side

Via The Puppy Blender - The Darth Side: Memoirs of a Monster

Who knew that Darth Vader was so in tune to 21st century technology with all the light sabers and stuff... he would choose to communicate via a blog.

Darth Vader was my favorite from the original Star Wars movie. The actor did a promotional tour and my mom took me to see him. She said I spent 5 minutes asking questions and he couldn't respond because his voice was not the voice used in the movie. She also told me that my own dark side came out when Darth Vader wouldn't answer my questions. I think I got a pop on the tushie for that and my autograph from Vader hidden away as punishment.

Sounds... Familiar....

From The Huffington Post | The Blog

Question 1: Would you invite a neo-Nazi over for dinner?
Question 2: Would you attend a dinner party where a neo-Nazi was in attendance?
Question 3: Would you socialize with people who openly cavort with neo-Nazis?

But what I heard was:

Would you like to take a survey?
Do you eat beans?
Would you like to see a new movie starring George Wendt?
Would you like to eat beans with George Wendt?
Would you like to see George Wendt eating beans in a movie?
Do you eat beans at George Wendt movies?
Would you like to see George Wendt in a bean eating movie?
How many beans do you eat at George Wendt bean eating movies?
How many bean eating movies have you seen with George Wendt?

Not Michelle's Week Either - Woof

Nate brought the tasering incident to my attention yesterday. WND linked to a story about the woman's conviction.

In praise of the police, Michelle Malkin reminds us of the sacrifices of police officers - who also have families and stuff. OK. First: it is willing. No one made them be police officers just in the same the Armed Forces are voluntary. Second: no group should be put on a pedestal like that - to the point that they are almost untouchable. When there is no accountability, abuse runs rampant. Police, fire fighters, armed forces should be held to a higher standard and tighter scruitiny. There should be a general respect for them because they are humans, you know - not just because they wear a badge. Doesn't that skirt the line of idolatry if we are to pay homage to the badge. We may not be sacrificing bulls to it but it's respect for an inantimate object.

But Malkin completely glosses over the tasering incident, almost dismissing it as trivial and a non-issue. They pulled the woman over for speeding. She refused to sign the ticket, as she had done before. She said she would take the ticket but not sign it. They attempted to pull her out of her car and when she wouldn't exit the vehicle, they hit her with a taser 3 times!!!! That is 150,000 volts! Praise God that her baby survived.

That is an abuse of power, Michelle. And it does need to be discussed. If signing the ticket isn't required in Seattle, then the woman should have been let go and on her way. There was NO reason for the cops to take a nose dive into the world of Gestapo behavior over a speeding ticket.

The rationale for using the taser is that it protects the cops and that it was her fault because she didn't sign the traffic ticket... or exit the vehicle when "requested".

I agree with Nate's commentary and Res's assessment last week. Me-so Michelle is just another Republican lap dog. Will she tell us more about another Mommy's Day Tea instead of responding to criticism of her article? I am surprised that Michelle didn't chastise the woman for using the word "fetus" in her interview. "It's not a fetus! It's a baby!" Well, the woman carried the baby/fetus to term and has a little girl. So, let's move on.

Michelle should take a vacation for a while and stop writing... or maybe WND should drop her column.