Wednesday, December 07, 2005

Christmas Songs I Hate

Away in a Manger

I can't stand this song because of the fact that it is so.. so.. Thomas Kincade in its depiction of the Nativity. The whole cattle lowing but the baby isn't crying thing just seems so un-realistic to the point of irritating.

Twelve Days of Christmas

Much like 99 bottles of beer on the wall, this song just keeps going on and on. It launches into the realm of annoying about the time you get to 3 French Hens. Now I know it is supposed to be spiritually significant but honestly, when you were taught the song, did they tell you that 3 French Hens represented "Faith, Hope, and Love?" I went to Church of Christ and Baptist schools. Never mentioned. Maybe it is a Catholic thing.

White Christmas

I am about to commit Christmas blasphemy: I don't care for White Christmas and I can't stand "It's a Wonderful Life." Being from the South, we don't have white Christmases. It's hard to share in that sentimentality (much like the mushy Amy Grant song 'Tennessee Christmas'). I think my problem with this and Grant's song is that it creates an ideal that just can't be met in the real world.

It is as though you are looking through a semi-foggy window at the ULTIMATE Christmas scene. Large family gathered around an expansive table with a turkey the size of a small child. Side dishes to make your eyes pop. Everyone wearing sweaters and other holiday-appropriate gear. Children running around, playing. It's just lovely and peaceful. Everything is ready on time and perfectly cooked. There's no TV playing the background. No one is eating in the den off of TV trays. The house is tastefully decorated with a large live Christmas tree. Did I mention the ribbons?

Yeah. I hate that. If anyone actually experienced a Hallmark-style holiday, I'm not sure I want to hear about it.