Tuesday, May 09, 2006

Home again, Home again

or "Why PK finds the Department of Homeland Security amusing."

So I have spent WAY too much time in airports over the last 3 weeks. First there was some girl's wedding that I barely know.. but she asked me to be in the wedding. I couldn't very well say no to the opportunity to buy a new dress and some fab shoes so off we went to Detroit.

Then there was belly dancing in Florida...

And more belly dancing this past weekend in Denver. Aside from Nashville, Denver has to be my favorite city.

But this isn't about that. This is about why I find airport security funny. They have this program called US-VISIT. It's slogan: Keeping America's Doors Open and Our Nation Secure. I don't know why but... I find this little slogan incredibly amusing. Particularly when my flight back home is delayed by almost 45 minutes while Homeland Security folks inspect the plane I'm supposed to be on because its point of origin was Cancun and international flights require extra stuff.

Note: this is the imagined conversation I had in my head while waiting in line to get to the detector, behind the couple that had WAY more junk than the 2 carry-on bag limit. They had to use 6, 8, or 14 of those gray bins. I lost count. They had at LEAST 6 bags and then were carrying a bunch of stuff on hangers - some big ugly purple/white 'fur' pimp coat. Eww. Whose bright idea was it to buy that thing? It made me wish I was wearing my GoFugYourself "I hate what you are wearing" t-shirt.
"What's in your bag?"
"What kind of stuff?"
"Notebooks, water bottle, jewerly, pens."
"Is there anything that would stick me if I were to reach down there."
"The large silver hair pins. The earrings. The big tribal bracelet has some sharp edges, too."
*concerned look from screener because I certainly don't look like the kind of girl that would wear spikey jewelry*
*awkward silence*
"Are we done? Can I go now?"
*pokes through bag, minding the sharp objects. Hands bag back.*
"Have a nice day."
But this conversation didn't happen. Not the other day. It did on the way back from Detroit when I had to warn the screener about the earrings.
"OH! I have a necklace just like that!" said the screener.
And then it almost collapsed into a discussion of jewelry instead of looking for bombs and stuff. Doesn't *that* make you feel all safe and secure at our nation's aiports?

At least they were nice.

Just to have some fun, what should the motto of Homeland Security be?