Wednesday, June 08, 2005

Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.... Can I get one?

or 'What happened to the power of the french-blue shirt?'

*cough cough*

Not really but the lovely and talented Miss O'Hara sent me a link to a Yahoo News story about up and coming fashions for men.

What's wrong with that picture? Do we have the time? Yes, of course we do.
  1. Backward suspenders are SO 1990 - "A Different World" - not "In Living Color." They are not and never were cool. Hey, dude, be sure to sing "Jump Jump.. the Mack dad'll make you Jump Jump" when you wear that out, mm-kay? The girls will be lining up around the block!
  2. As I said in "Fashion Advice for the Leftist Set," horizontal stripes work for no one... not even skinny, shapeless, sallow-faced male models.
  3. If you are Thurston Howell the III or Dracula, you may wear an ascot. Otherwise, DON'T!
  4. Fire your colorist. They didn't match your hair to your eyebrows. Eww.
That's just the picture. The article is even more humorous:

"The masculine ideal is being completely modified. All the traditional male values of authority, infallibility, virility and strength are being completely overturned," said Pierre Francois Le Louet, the agency's managing director.

Instead today's males are turning more towards "creativity, sensitivity and multiplicity," as seen already in recent seasons on the catwalks of Paris and Milan.

Arnold Schwarznegger and Sylvester Stallone are being replaced by the 21st-century man who "no longer wants to be the family super-hero", but instead has the guts to be himself, to test his own limits.

"We are watching the birth of a hybrid man. ... Why not put on a pink-flowered shirt and try out a partner-swapping club?" asked Le Louet, stressing that the study had focused on men aged between 20 and 35.

Now that our resident masculine men have finished spitting on their monitors, let me just say this:

Men who want to wear pink flowered shirts, ruffles, can stay the f*** away from me! I'm the girl in the relationship. If wanted to be with another woman... eww.. I don't so let's just not go there.

If walking out on a committed relationship is what is now called 'manly' because you need to find yourself, I want no part of it. Then again, that's the excuse women have been using thanks to feminism for years. "I don't want to be married to you anymore. I need me-time." It would only make sense that men would eventually catch on and do the same thing.

Feminine-men apologists may say "Cary Grant was well dressed." Yes.. but there was little doubt that Cary Grant and other stars of the Golden Age of Hollywood were MEN. They walked like men. They talked like men. They excuded a masculine presense that drew women to them. He wore a suit - not fluffy sweaters. These new Euro-weenie styled fellas exude too much Botox.

I think that it's just WRONG that this article would dare to presume to call these males "men." They aren't men. They are women with the wrong body parts.

Final note: it is amusing that this article is digging up something that already has a name and that some sociologists are attempting to make metrosexuality sound new, different, and important.