*A large auditorium of people who could otherwise afford them sit in donated gowns and tuxes looking semi-fabulous. The orchestra is playing the theme from Terminator - the third time tonight, actually.
The host, not Chris Rock because the next presenter would not be caught dead at an event hosted or even attended by Chris Rock, says "Now let me bring up a young woman who has purred more than she has scratched... Empress Pink Kitty!"
Her Highness makes a grand entrance onto the stage; the envelope from PriceWaterhouseCooper Tires in her left hand, rings from Harry Winston-Salem on her right. And rightfully so. She never fails to make an entrance.
"Throughout the year, caption contests capture our imagination by forcing us to look at common pictures in an unusual way. It takes creative, talented and funny individuals to find the humor in these images. It is this group that we honor tonight and thank them for their dedicated service. The nominees are...
LF for "Hey Hilary, this isn't an Oscar in my pants . . ."
Red for "Clint, make my day. Get a breath mint!"
Nate for "Jeez Clint, it's the frickin' Oscars... couldn't you floss?"
Res Ispa for "Clint, You're old enough to be my great grandfather, are those your real teath?"
And the Oscar-Meyer goes to............
Ladies and gentlemen.. I don't quite believe it. It's a tie. Did the accountants get this right? Did they tally all the ballots, hanging chads, dimpled chads and Chad Lowe included?
The winners are LF and Nate!
*the Orchestra plays while Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie, who are still working their way through as interns on The Simple Live 972, stand there holding a pair of bronzed Bill Clinton bobbleheads.*
I'm sorry about the statues, guys. It was kind of short notice and we used what we had on hand. He couldn't give them all away in his tsunami devistation and world book tour. You have 45 seconds for your acceptance speech and the other nominees have 20 seconds to gripe about it on the red carpet to E! on their way to the after-party.