Saturday, March 06, 2004

Worst jobs ever

You might think it would be garbage collector, IRS agent, or even the President of the US. I'm here to tell you it's not.

There are 2:

1) Ice cream truck driver.

You know them... blasting out some inane children's song at 200 decibels so you hear them from a half mile away and feel it rattle your windows when it passes. Handing out ice cream for $2 a pop when it's far cheaper to have mom go to the store and buy a box of 6 for $2. And then you hear the song for the rest of the day.. dagnabit ear worms.

Which transitions us to...

2) Attendant at the Small World ride.

There's alot of things I dislike in this world.. and a select list of things that I would destroy with nuclear weapons if given access to them. Osama bin Laden... the Left Coast... Democratic National headquarters... and the Baltimore Ravens among them. But the first thing I would dessimate would be all Small World rides. It has to be the worst job to be stuck there sending the little boats through the ride for hours at a time.. listening to that song.. waving and smiling.

I believe that song is being uses RIGHT NOW to torture Sadaam Hussein and the gitmo bay detainees. The UN should ban it. It is cruel and unusual punishment and a violation of our Constitutional rights!!!

Do think think that they medicate the attendants prior to work? That is the only way I could stand to listen to that song. Last time I went to Disney World many years ago, Lynn and I rode the "Its a Small World" ride. It got stuck in the middle of it. For 15 or 20 minutes I had to watch the perky demon puppets move up and down and wave to me and each other.. and hear that song...

I almost climbed out of the boat and walked back to the front. I should have but didn't. When our boat made it back to the boarding area, we looked like zombies. Our brains had been turned to mush through the constant playing of that song. We might all have said in unison "Yes Mr. Eisner... Yes Mr. Eisner... we will kill for you.. we will take over the US government."

Kind of like that episode of South Park where Cartman leads the Civil War re-enactors to take over the South and eventually Washington DC by keeping them buzzed with Smore's schnaps. We were buzzed.