Friday, June 18, 2004

From Vox's blog

Most of y'all read Vox's blog and I know Erik has posted in the discussion about women with long hair and other assests being attractive to men. I keep trying to post to it but every time I get something written, the comments thread has moved on and well..

It just looks like I wasn't paying any attention to go back to something referenced at the beginning when they are now talking about computer games or how to hide grey hair (my recommendation if it's just one, keep cutting it out. If it's more - get highlights. My hair will eventually be silver. I've seen one lonely little grey hair and it wasn't grey - it was silver and looked gorgeous. But I'm 28.. I don't need it to all go that color yet).

Anyway, so my thoughts on the whole matter of boobies and long hair are that they do work for attracting attention. But what kind of attention? I know one woman who is very curvy - long hair, well-endowed, small waist and proportionate hips - and she gets alot of male attention. And she says alot of it is unwanted. They only want to talk to her boobs. She gets frustrated because they never get past her exterior to see she is a beautiful, caring woman.

They just like her boobies.

I am not going to run out and get surgery just cause Vox says it will attract men. He is right. He's also right that long hair is attractive. Having Crystal Gale's hair is a bit much. To have hair like Pam Anderson or Jenna Jameson would require expensive extensions. That's how they got it. Most of us living in the real world don't have that kind of cash.

So, make the best with what God gave you. My hair looks silly when it gets too long. So, I keep it shoulder length or just below. Helps keep its natural curl (which I love love love love love). My stylist said "If you are wearing it up more than 2 days a week, come see me - it's too long and you need a cut."

Do not discount the power of a positive attitude and outlook. The Professor said to me in a conversation that he had dated women who were models but vapid and uninteresting. While conventionally beautiful, they did not merit another date. He has also gone out with women who are more like The Empress or Elena in shape.. plus-sized girls. Based on his experience, he had a much better time with the curvier girls. He said they didn't try any harder to please him (the addage is that fat girls are better in bed because they had to work harder to make men stay). But these women that he wanted to spend more time with had something behind the exterior. Intelligence, imagination, creativity, and a pleasant personality.

(Of course, The Empress screws that all up by going off half-cocked and over-reacting to what was a joke. She apologized for being a sour puss.. but The Professor has yet to write back.)

Back to the subject at hand - The Professor and I had a long coversation about this one night. What's attractive? What isn't? What do guys want? What do girls want? Guys, pretty much as a rule of thumb, want a woman that's feminine. Hair length aside, there are other ways to connote being female: clothes, make-up are obvious signals. Behavior and personality also help.

I related to him my decision and my journey to start acting like a girl as opposed to a freakish femi-nazi I had been in college and part of my professional life. I started dressing in a more feminine way and learning from the past (since Retro is very hip now). Dressing like a girl obviously helps say "Hey - I'm a girl." Making sure your clothes fit properly - potato sack dresses are not attractive on anyone - no matter what the say. Yes, I still have an opinion on just about everything but I'm careful in how I say it. I don't have to be obnoxious or brash.

I also related the frustration in not dating. I've garnered more male attention but no dates and certainly no long-term relationship prospects. It dawned on me.. "the man I want to attract is too smart to go out with me as I am right now."

The Professor said that was an incredible insight.. I still haven't figured out why it's such an insight but I think it is a very true statement. I still have harpish tendancies. Deprogramming from many years of feminist BS takes a long time.

He also said "PK, you do, deep down, want to be found attractive by men. I also think you know how to be attractive. Most people are never going to achieve a physical ideal. There is always something we want to improve upon. Tone this up. Drop 10 lbs. Whatever it may be...."

And thanks to interruptions, I forgot the rest of my point.

So, here's one to wrap this whole thing up...

- Men want their women to be women.. not men in disguise.

- Women want their men to be men. Strong, responsible, and willing to lead.

- And a smile can go a long way.